How do we teach our children peace in the midst of so much violence?

“Be gentle.”

“Don’t hit.”

“Say you’re sorry.”

“Use your words to help him understand how you feel.”

These are some of the mantras that are stated at least 100 times a week in our house.  With three boys growing quickly both in size and their desire to be engaged in each other’s activities and toys, keeping peace is a full-time job.  Oftentimes I find myself speed-walking through the house with my fingers to my lips pretending to blow a whistle as if I were a traffic cop at one of Cleveland’s busiest intersections.

However, yesterday as I watched the images roll across my computer screen of the terrible devastation inflicted by the bombing of the Boston Marathon, I could not help but think to myself, “How is it possible teach my children peace in the midst of so much violence?”

Typically in our house, what causes peace to dissolve is a desire for control, control of a toy, a game, puzzle, a cup, food, etc.  The stakes are pretty low.  Someone may not have full access to Grover or get quite as many pieces of apple smothered in peanut butter, but at the end of the day the damage is pretty minimal.

In the outside world, the stakes are of course much higher.  An individual can use violence to control money, political power, our sense of safety and security, and even the 24-hour news cycle we live in.  As we know too well from acts of violence in our own country–Columbine, Virginia Tech, Tucson, Aurora, Newtown, and now the Boston–the damage is significant. Lives are lost, dreams are demolished, hope is broken.  And of course, it doesn’t take more than a glance through the morning paper to realize that many of our brothers and sisters throughout the world encounter violence, destruction, and loss in even greater frequency than we encounter here in the U.S.

Knowing all of this, how do we teach our children peace amid all of this violence?  The answer may be right in front of us and actually quite challenging.  We must be people of peace ourselves.  For some this call to action could be rooted in the model of Christ, for others in Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., or Dorothy Day, to name just a few.  Our everyday actions with our children will need to be analyzed for the messages they send about how to treat others, even those who harm us.  This isn’t easy.  As parents, we don’t have a ton of time to pause, reflect, and discern every response.  One can only pull so many items out of the toilet, paint over crayon so many times, and divide up the Legos for the umpteenth time before starting to get a little hot under the collar.

So I pose a few questions, that I too will be considering when I head home from work tonight:

• When I intervene with my children, can I model peace from calmness and a desire to solve problems without violence?
• Does my body language reflect peace?
• How can I create an environment of peace-oriented inquiry that invites my children to “solve a problem” without resorting to violence?

Prayers of peace for those in Boston and all people throughout the world who are plagued by violent acts that diminish human life.